okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
