She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
