Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
