i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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