i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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