The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
