I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize