just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize