God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
