if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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