You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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