there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
