Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
