I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
