Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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