I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
