She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
