My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
