I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
