her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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