I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
