Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
