i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
