I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
