everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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