Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
