And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
