Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
