I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
