He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
