I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
