So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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