You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize