the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
