Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
