Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
