so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
