Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
