Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
