make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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