He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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