How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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