She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize