glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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