remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
