so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
