I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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