Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
