It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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