idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
