you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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