Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
