Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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