Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
