Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
