I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
