God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
