When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
