T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize