none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
