you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize