Where is the hickey?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
