you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
