its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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