I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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