Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
