Say something about gay babies.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
